Miss Betto Amilla Kapilando

Di sebuah denai kesunyian...

Di tengah lembaran keseksaan...

Di ambang satu penyeksaan...

Di rundung segala sebuah kepedihan...

Di belantara kesakitan...

Di muara kesuraman...

Di hening keparahan...

Di sini aku berdiri....

Aku menulis tulisan ini tanpa sebarang arah tujuan...

Sekadar mengikut gerak hati...

Sekadar mengikut tarian tangan...

Mata ku tidak sedikitpun melihat pada papan kekunci untuk menaip...

Aku hanya mengerling memandang satu arah...

Pandangan yang kosong...

Malam ini aku terasa seolah telah terjatuh kedalam sebuah lembah...

Lembah yang amat dalam...

Yang aku masih lagi sedang laju menghempas tanah...

Seolah angin yang aku nafaskan ini sungguh tersekat di kerongkong aku...

Malah kini menjadi musuhku...

Aku semakin laju menerjah ke darat...

Daya aku telah tiada lagi...

Seketika aku membelek status YM aku...

"Saying Goodbye to the person I LOVE and CARE the MOST"

Siapa yang aku maksudkan?

Jika dirujuk kembali pada post aku yang sebelum ini...

The person will be AQILAH...

Pada post Sebuah Lembaran...

Hari ini...

Beberapa ketika tadi...

Aku membuka laman Facebooknya...

Dan aku melihat sesuatu...

Ya, dia sudah sekali lagi berpunya...

Betapa aku rasa aku sungguh hina dalam hidupku...

Satu-satunya wanita yang paling aku sukai, paling aku ambil berat, paling aku cintai, paling aku harapkan, paling aku jaga, paling aku turuti...

Telah tidak memandang aku walau sebelah mata sekalipun...

Bukan sahaja telah memberi harapan palsu pada ku...

Malah setelah berkata memberi harapan dengan pelbagai cara, tidak ada setulus sedikit pun keberanian untuk memberitahu aku yang masih menanti...

Betapa aku tidak ada nilai disisinya...

Dan betapa aku masih mengharap....

-safwan-

The Quiet Thing, That No One Will Ever Know...

Aqilah, Ayesha, Dyana Ariana...

these three are the people that i used to hope to be my future special girlfriend...

my future wife...

my only one and my true one...

aqilah...

the sweetest girl....

with the cutest look ever...

the only girl that when i saw her, the world suddenly become empty...

the only living thing ever exist in it is just me, and she...

after a while, with years if hoping...

after waiting for the moment that i hope my dream come true...

after dying day by day missing and waiting for just a single word from her...

she still give me no hope...

something to live on...

and what i did?

i leave her for good...

though my heart still miss her....

though my mouth never fail to keep mentioning her name...

though my mind never stops remembering how sweet her face is...

i still leave her...

why?

coz i cannot bare this pain any longer...

i fear that she will reject me when i was really hoping for it...

even though, i will always dream of her...

my wish to God, is to just let she know how much i love her...

how much i want to be with her...

how much i missed her...

how much i want her by my side...

may it happen, by the grace of Him...

Ayesha...

after a while...when my dream of hoping to finally found someone is still on...

i too was hoping to be among her...

part of her life...

why?

because she is a well-educated...

a very religious girl...with strong attitude...

hard to impale...

she..who used to be my best GF...

now because of yet again i cannot face the rejection....

i leave her...

because i know she will never want me...

besides the fact that i never dream of her...

Dyana Ariana...

a sweet, sexy, and beauty Singaporean girl...

the latest one...

i dream of touching her...feel the softness of her skin with my hand...

i dream of kissing her...by the warm of her cheeks to my lips...

i dream of a hug with her...to share the heartbeat each by one...

i dream of many things with her...

the one with each one that will never come true...

she has everything that i ever hope for a woman...for a wife...

and yet, because at the same moment my status on FB is in a relation ship with someone...

she decided not to be the one who will cause something to happen...

something that actually always happen since the first day the relation exist...

and because of honoring her request...i decided to let her go...

for at least it will make it easier for her...

to forget me...

while i will still be staying here....

alone....

with such hatred in my heart...

with never a cure could heal...

for i hope, someone will come to me...

one bright day...

when i can feel the warmth of a hug again..

the tender of a kiss again...

the smooth of a touch...

and the specialty of LOVE...

-safwan-